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Shopping

Mall Rat

December 29, 2009 · 3 comments

I went to the mall today.

My mind is reeling.

I have so many questions.

Like, why do fashion designers make fall and winter clothes that are sleeveless? I know a few of you live where it’s endless summer, but the majority of us are well out of reach of tank top weather this time of year.

Oh, wait.

Maybe that’s why no one is shopping in your stupid stores.

It’s not the economy.

We just don’t want to get hypothermia at church.

I also wonder what brilliant person named the Dress Barn? First of all, they have more pants, tops and purses than they have dresses.

Second of all,  most of us already feel like cows when we’re tying on clothes in those ridiculous dressing rooms with the fun house mirrors and bad lighting. It’s only adding insult to injury to be in a store named after a building that houses bovine. And when your friends gush, “Oooh, I love your outfit! Where did you get it?” Do you really want to answer, “The Dress Barn.”

These Jeanie-in-a-Bottle jeans leave me with so very many questions. But mainly just why? (Sorry about the photo quality. Camera phone.)

Who would wear these, and on what person in what world would these be flattering?

And then there is this book with a picture of Santa on the cover, sans pants. Frankly I don’t want to know the answers to the questions that this brings to mind.

How about this vending machine selling Pro Active Solution? It’s just weird and science fictionish.

But I am most perplexed about this. Why is The CHILDREN’S Place, which caters to CHILDREN, designed in such a way that it is impossible for a woman with a CHILD in a stroller to navigate her way through the store, and purchase merchandise that is sized specifically for said CHILD riding in said stroller? After using my supermom powers to get through the racks and throngs of people to that one shirt I wanted, I got stuck in line.

It was my turn. But there I stood unable to actually get up to the register. I was blocked from the front by other people, and the very counter I wanted to get to. On either side were loaded racks of clothes closing in on me. Behind me was an angry mob about to trample me if I didn’t get out of their way.

I said, “Excuse me,” nicely. Not a single person moved. Finally, I just pushed my way through, running over the foot of one particularly stubborn woman who was apparently rooted to the floor.  She glared at me. I smiled sweetly, and said again, “Excuse me.”

I didn’t say sorry, because, honestly, I really wasn’t sorry.

Now there are a few things they’ve got right at the mall.

The Family Restroom for instance. If it weren’t for that recent invention I’d have to go without any liquids 12 hours prior to shopping. I really don’t know how I’d ever be able to use the regular restroom with a four year old and a baby in tow.

And then there’s this smart marketing ploy I saw on a sign outside the Motherhood Maternity store. “Have cravings? Spend $75 and get a $50 restaurant gift certificate.” I mean combining free food, shopping and pregnant women? Genius.

Just. Pure. Genius.

But the best idea they have at the mall by far is the children’s recreation area. Germ ridden as it may be, there’s nothing like an indoor jungle gym and carousel on a cold day when the kiddos are climbing the walls and driving you up the wall with them.

And hey, if you accidentally buy a new purse on the way to the jungle gym, well it’s really not a bad day.

Just don’t tell anyone you got it at The Dress Barn.

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Happy Days are Here Again

November 9, 2009 · 2 comments

Alright, I said I wasn’t going to post about being sick anymore, but I thought I should let you know we are alive, well and pretty much recovered from our afflictions.

The general consensus is that we all were stricken with Swine Flu. The doctor Dave saw last week told him Swine was the only kind of flu going around where we live, and our symptoms matched the diagnosis.

Wade was the last to go down, but his case was the mildest. He’s already feeling better. My theory is that he got well faster because he sleeps so much. I’m sure Dave and I would have felt better more quickly if we took three naps a day. Besides the lack of time available for sleeping during the daytime, we were up all hours of the night with two sick kids.

I learned yesterday a six month old baby from our area passed away last week after getting Swine Flu. I’m glad I didn’t read about that until Wade, who will be six months old tomorrow, was better, or I’m sure I would have completely freaked out.

Even with rest this stuff just hangs on for a long time. It left us feeling exhausted long after the fevers, sore throats and sniffles were gone.

I’m pretty sure it left a couple extra pounds around my middle too. All that laying around, and when I get sick I get hungry. Other people are always telling me, “Yeah, I was so sick, but at least I lost five pounds.” Not me. I guess I’m of the Feed a Cold school. But then I feed so fever too, so whatever. It didn’t help that there was Hall-o-ween candy hanging around.

I was supposed to go to my mommy’s group this morning, but still didn’t quite feel up to it. Some of that was the flu, and some of that was Wade waking up at 5 a.m thanks to the glorious effects of Falling Back for Daylight Savings Time last week.

Who’s time is that saving exactly?

Not mine when I go through weeks after bleary-eyed with something akin to jet lag.

I felt better later in the morning after a good strong cup of coffee and a shower, so we all ventured out of the house together for the first time in about two weeks.

We really needed to go out.

Cabin fever was about to eat us alive.

I think the flu may have fried my brain though.

I went into The Children’s Place to buy some new jeans for David. Their 2 pairs for $28 is a good deal, and I had a coupon for 20 percent off. I was congratulating myself on how thrifty I was to be getting those jeans for less than $12 each when the confused clerk interrupted my self-admiration to inform me that the coupon was no good.

Because it was for Gymboree.

Whoops.

I got the jeans anyway, and the clerk has a good story to tell everyone about the ditsy mom who can’t read.

My bruised ego was soothed by a delicious Pumpkin Spice Chiller. I usually have the Pumpkin Spice Latte, but today something cold and creamy was very appealing. And indeed it was delicious. I’m not sure you could really ever go wrong with pumpkin spice anything to be honest.

Maybe I wanted something cold because the weather was just lovely. Today and over the weekend we managed to hit 70 degrees. That’s unheard of this time of year in West Michigan. I know I’ve driven through more than one snow storm on Nov. 9th.

Speaking of driving, I hate doing it at night in the fall. Deer are on the move, and I am so worried I’ll hit one. I’ve seen several along our road. I try to stay alert, constantly scanning the woods on either side me looking for venison as I go down the road. But it’s almost impossible to see them until they’re leaping through your windshield.

David wants to know why deer don’t know to look both ways before crossing the street.

In spite of not liking to drive to at night, I went to the grocery store after dinner anyway. Thanks to DST it’s dark at 6 o’ clock now.

Anyway, I went ALONE.

No crying.

No whining.

No arguing.

No stopping to feed the baby or change a diaper.

No one putting extra things not on the list in the cart.

It was so fast. So stress-free, and so much less expensive.

Grocery shopping should always be done alone.

And now I’m completely worn out so I’m off to bed before I have a relapse.

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Um, I Didn’t Know There Would Be a Test

September 8, 2009 · 5 comments

As if trying on clothes isn’t already bad enough.

The terrible lighting, the horrible three-way mirrors. I swear they make those at the same factory where they make fun house mirrors. How else do you explain the extra flab and cellulite that always seems to appear?

Then there are the irregular sizes. You can gain and lose four dress sizes in an afternoon. At the first store you’re pleasantly surprised when you fit into a size smaller than you thought you wore.

Ooh, that Little Debbie snack cake diet must be working.

Ten minutes later your elation turns to utter despair when at the next store your end up in something two sizes bigger than you thought you needed.

Drat those oatmeal cream pies.

You’re slightly comforted when you fit back into your normal size at the third store.

I need a fudge round.

What a roller coaster ride, right?

Well, I was prepared for the usual dressing room trauma the other day when I grabbed a pair of pants off the rack at Old Navy.

But I wasn’t expecting a pop quiz.

The perky, and very young dressing room attendant greeted me, “How are you today? You have two there?”

At Old Navy I always take the size I think I wear, and one size bigger with me. That’s one of those stores where you can gain 10 pounds in five minutes.

“Yes, just two,” I replied.

“O.K., follow me,” she said leading me to an open torture chamber stall. “Who’s your favorite actress?”

A puzzled look crossed my face. Is she trying to make small talk with me? What a random question to ask. “Wh– what?” I don’t think I heard her right.

With a big, beaming smile, “Who’s your favorite actress?”

“Um–”

This was extra stress I didn’t need. I started going through names in my head searching for the right answer.

Vivian Leigh? No, she won’t know who that is. Probably never seen Gone with the Wind. Let’s see… Who’s popular with the kids? Molly Ringwald? Oh, wait. That was like 25 years ago. Miley Cyrus? No, she’ll know I’m lying if I say that. Oh, why isn’t this multiple choice?

Finally I blurted out, “Drew Barrymore.”

That seems believable. We are the same age. I like her movies. She’s hip. Teenagers know who she is, right?

The truth is I have no idea who my favorite actress is. I don’t spend a lot of time pondering serious topics like that these days. And most of the movies I watch anymore are animated. Pretty sure, “Sally from Cars,” was the wrong answer.

I think I saw a flicker of recognition in her eyes as she repeated after me, “Drew Barrymore,” through her big smile. She then proceed to write Drew Barrymore on the whiteboard on the stall door.

I looked around and saw “Brad Pitt”, “Pizza” and “Beyonce” written on other doors. Suddenly I realized this pop quiz was all about identifying who was in what stall in a busy dressing room during Back To School shopping week.

Why didn’t I get the, “What’s your favorite food,” question? That’s an easy one.

The good news is the smaller pair of pants fit.

The bad news is I’m way behind on my movie watching.

Suddenly I have the urge to rent E.T., The Wedding Singer and all of last year’s Oscar winners.

So who’s your favorite actress?

{ 5 comments }

Chocolate Bunnies for Valentine’s Day

February 15, 2009 · 1 comment

My son David almost ended up with Cadbury Cream Eggs for Valentine’s Day.

My husband Dave and I were shopping Friday afternoon, after our son left to go to my parent’s for the weekend, when I realized we forgot to get him something for Valentine’s Day. It was kind of a busy, hectic week and it just slipped my mind. (I know. Bad mommy! Bad mommy!) So we headed over to the seasonal aisle to pick up something to give David when he came home on Monday.

We arrived there to find just a few bags of Hershey’s Kisses. Where was everything? Surely they couldn’t have sold out of all the Valentine’s Day stuff?

Then I glanced farther down the aisle. There were stock boys filling empty shelves with chocolate Easter bunnies and egg coloring kits the day BEFORE Valentines’ Day.

The holiday wasn’t even over yet, and they’d already put away the lacy red hearts full of chocolates, and brought out the chick-shaped Peeps!

We weren’t the only people milling around looking dazed and confused, checking the date on our cell phones to make sure it was indeed still February 13th.

I thought it was insane when after trick-or-treating on Hall-O-Ween we went into a store to pick up some milk, and were greeted by a 20 foot fully decorated Christmas tree at the entrance. At least that holiday was in it’s waning hours before they moved on to the next.

I really didn’t know what to do for a moment as I stood pondering if David would think it strange to get a basket full of Robin’s Eggs for Valentine’s Day. Just how much would that confuse a four-year-old? Would it lead to years of therapy discussing issues about Conversation Hearts and Peter Cotton Tail?

We did find something for David at another store. But seriously. The hastiness of the retail sector to finish off one holiday so they can put their fingers in our wallets for the next is getting a little ridiculous.

I’m off now to go buy a chocolate bunny before they replace those with flags and plastic flowers for Memorial Day.

I’m pretty sure getting a wreath of fake red, white and blue carnations that says In Memoriam for Easter would lead to years of adolescent turmoil.

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Girl Talk: Shopping Trip

October 11, 2008 · 6 comments

My husband Dave gave me the best gift EVER a few days ago. He sent me out for a night of shopping ALL ALONE, and he even gave me some money to spend GUILT FREE! In fact, he told me I had to spend it all on myself. I absolutely was not to use it for anything else.

It was fantastic to actually be able to take the time to try things on, and with out a three-year-old whining in the corner of the dressing room about going home. And then to make a purchase, and not think, “I should be saving this for something else.” Oh the FREEDOM!

It really wasn’t an enormous amount of money. I’m sure many people wear shoes that cost more than what I had to spend. But it was a lot to me. Way more than I would ever think to go out and blow on myself. Because it is our money, and I try to spend it responsibly. And, well, because I like to be able to eat and heat our house and other frivolous things like that.

But Dave insisted, and I did even protest a little bit. In the end I decided this was one time I ought to just shut up and do what I was told.

I was determined to stretch my little windfall as far as I could, so I studied all the sales fliers in the Sunday paper. I even managed to find a couple coupons on line to use at some of my favorite stores. I had a list of specific items I wanted. Mostly things I decided I couldn’t live with out after watching What Not to Wear.

On the top of my list was a pair of wide leg trouser jeans. Just the thing, according to Clinton and Stacy, to slim my chubby thighs. I must have tried on 25 different styles at five different stores. I have a few things to say to denim designers.

1. Wider hips don’t equal longer legs. Why does the length increase by, like, half a foot when the waist increases by one size?

2. Most of us do not need sequins and fancy swirls and flowers emblazoned on the back pockets thus drawing even more attention to the span of our rear ends.

3. Can’t you all get together and agree on a standard sizing chart, so that I don’t go into one store and try on a certain size to find that it’s too big, then go in another store only to find that I can’t even get that same size past my knees?!

O.K. I feel better now.

Anyhow, I did finally find a pair of wide-leg trouser jeans that fit like a dream. And they do take off at least 10 pounds. Everyone — short, tall, fat, thin — needs a pair of these. Well, maybe not thin, because if you’re thin you should be wearing those skinny jeans. You’re the only ones who can wear those skinny jeans. If you don’t wear them who will?

So, as I was saying, these wide-leg trouser jeans create a slimming, straight line from hip to toe, and if you wear them with a nice pointy heel, you look like you have legs that go on for miles. And you can dress them up or down. These things are right up there with the skirted tankini as far as fashion advances for woman kind.

I love my trouser jeans. I don’t want to take them off. I wore them three days in a row. But I decided I should take a day off from fabulousness, and wash them before they get up and walk by themselves.

I also picked up a pair of shoes and a few tops, a jacket and even a foundation garment or two. And with my coupons I managed to add an extra $32 to my little wad of cash. It was a shopping success all around.

I had so much fun, and it was nice to have some time away. So thanks Honey for the treat!

Now I’ve got to go get those jeans in the wash, so I can wear them on Monday. I have to hang them up to dry. I mean, you just don’t put risk putting pants that fit that well in the dryer.

{ 6 comments }

Sssh! Don’t Tell Anyone Where I Buy My Underwear

August 12, 2008 · 7 comments

So in the name of honesty and full disclosure, I have a confession to make.

I LOVE WalMart.

WalMart is my second home. I frequent WalMart at least three times a week. I even go there for fun. If I get a rare hour all to myself, I’ll go and just browse, drinking in the rows and rows of cheap, plastic, Made-in-China stuff that we Americans can not live with out.

As I sit here, everything I’m wearing today, even my underwear, came from WalMart.

See I’ve been fairly quiet about this until now, because it seems that out there in the blog-o-sphere Target is where all the cool kids shop. I do go to Target. And I love them too. They certainly have the hippest clothing and home decor of any of the big discount stores.

But the truth is WalMart usually has lower prices. And when it comes to stretching our single-income budget, the money goes farther at WalMart. (No WalMart is not paying me to write this for them.)

I don’t like to clip coupons. That whole CVS program just seems like it takes way too much analytical thinking to figure out. ALDI’s annoys me because they don’t have bags, and I never have a quarter with me for the cart. I don’t have anywhere to store a year’s supply of toilet paper from Sam’s.

It also happens that I live with in 20 minutes of not one, but two Super WalMarts. Most of the other stores are farther away. Something to consider when a gallon of gas costs you your first born.

And if I go to Super WalMart, I can buy shampoo, dog food, a new TV and lunch meat all in one easy circle around the store. Another important consideration when there’s a cranky three-year-old in tow. Making stops at Walgreens, Petsmart, Best Buy and the local grocery would take me hours. By the time we got to Best Buy, David would be so ornery they’d call in the Geek Squad to escort us out of the store.

I’ve heard horror stores about WalMart. People say that they are dirty and sell rotten produce and meat that will kill you if you eat it. But our WalMarts are clean and shiny. I’ve never seen any rotting tomatoes or lettuce, and I’ve survived the ground round more than once without even the slightest touch of E. Coli.

I’m I the only closet WalMart shopper out there?

Anybody else need to confess?

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Girl Talk: Isn’t that Cute!

July 10, 2008 · 2 comments

Well, I missed Girl Talk last week because we were busy getting ready for The Fourth, and enjoying some family time since my husband was off work for a few days. Today we had the nicest summer weather we’ve had all season, and we were outside most of the day catching some rays and splashing in the pool. Tonight I need to spend some time on a project I’m working on for my husband, so this edition of Girl Talk will be pretty brief. Here’s a few “cute” things I found out on the web recently.

These Cupcake Bath Bombs from Sassy Pink Boutique look good enough to eat!

I found the Lil’ Evening Bag by Belle Bags at the Succulent Wife.

Liven up your next party with these Polka Dot Plates from Wrapables.

The Covet mary jane style shoe is part of Skechers line-up for fall. I need some new cool weather shoes, and these are definitely on my shopping list when sandal season comes to an end.

Poppies is just one of the unique women’s Tees offered by stellarocco. I may have to add this to the shopping list too.

Did you come across any unique or fun finds this week? Leave a comment and share!

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