I am totally uninspired today when it comes to finding a subject for Wednesdays for Wives. I feel like the Cleveland Indians in a summer slump. (Sports reference courtesy of watching ESPN with my husband the other night.) I would have come up blank last week too if someone hadn’t published that on-line 1930′s Marriage Test.
Hmmm…
Sports — husband — I have a story brewing in my head now, but I can’t think of a point to tie it into neatly. Oh, well. I’ll just start telling it, and maybe I can bring it around home in the end.
I’m not really into sports. I don’t have any athletic ability. I was the kid who threw herself in front of the ball during elementary school dodgeball games, so that I could spend the rest of gym class watching from the sidelines. Occasionally I’ll watch a college basketball or football game on TV if I like one of the teams that’s playing. ESPN with all it’s stats and scores is Greek to me. What I really don’t get is ESPN Classic. Aren’t sports exciting mainly because you don’t know how the game is going to end? It’s the whole Any-Given-Sunday thing, right?
“What are you watching?”
“Dallas at Pittsburgh.” (If it’s impossible for Dallas and Pittsburgh to ever actually meet, sorry. I’m taking some poetic license here, and don’t know what I’m talking about.)
“In June? I thought football season was over, and why is it snowing?”
“It’s the ’82 playoff game. Dallas wins with a 40 yard field goal with less than a second on the clock during a huge snow storm.”
“Why are you watching it if you already know who’s going to win?”
“It’s historic.”
O.K. Well, my idea of historic is a documentary about the sinking of the Titanic on the HISTORY channel. But, whatever.
I know a lot of wives don’t like it when their husbands watch sports on TV. Mine actually doesn’t that often, but when he does turn on a game or ESPN, I’ve stopped complaining. Oh, it’s still boring and I don’t understand most of what’s happening. And it’s not because I’m just being a kind wife. It’s because I know that by half time or the fourth inning or the 6th hole, he’ll get bored and change the channel or go do something else. Unless the game is close, it doesn’t hold his interest that long. So, instead of complaining and arguing, I just wait it out.
Now for the point…
I think I should apply the wait-and-see approach more often. I know I complain and start arguments that could have been avoided had I only waited for more information or events to play themselves out. Sometimes it’s better to keep my opinions to myself, and trust my husband to work it out. I don’t know all the plays he’s going to call, and I don’t always agree with them, but somehow he usually comes out on top.
I watched ESPN with with my husband long enough the other night for me to pick up that baseball reference, the inspiration for this entire post. It wasn’t long before he’d heard enough scores. Then we watched one of our favorite shows together on the DVR.
I guess you’d call that a win-win.
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
When I was in junior high, MTV was all the rage and actually still played music videos. I wasn’t supposed to watch MTV, but I’d sneak peeks at friends’ houses or when my parents weren’t around. One of my favorite videos was the one hit wonder “Mickey”. Dressed as a cheerleader, singer Toni Basil danced around singing, “Oh Mickey, you’re so fine! You’re so fine you blow my mind! Hey Mickey! Hey Mickey!” I wanted to be a cheerleader, but my really, really bad haircut, and complete lack of athletic ability stood in the way.
Well, I stopped getting perms and my hair got better, but I never did get to shake a pair of pom-poms.
I am a cheerleader though. Every day I have the opportunity to rally the home team to victory.
As a wives, we should be our husbands’ biggest fans. I’m not talking about walking around the house in lollipops and a short skirt. (Although he might like that.) We need to encourage our husbands, and celebrate their successes. I don’t always remember to do this. Sometimes I’m too worried about when the leaky faucet’s going to get fixed. Or I’m too caught up in myself to stop and tell him that I’m proud of his achievements at work.
But your husband wants to hear those kinds of things from you. Men need to know that their wives are proud of them. If they’re facing a difficult task, they need to know that we’re on the sidelines praying for them. Sometimes they need someone to say, “Go get ‘em,” and give then that final push over the first yard line. And when they hit a home run, they need someone in the dugout shouting, “Hooray!”
I can’t get these 80′s pop songs out my head today. Here’s a line from another old favorite of mine, “Let’s Hear it for the Boy”.
…Because what he does
he does so well
Makes me wanna yell
Lets hear it for the boy
Lets give the boy a hand
Lets hear it for my baby
You know you got to understand
I have the strangest urge to go curl my bangs, and put on a pair of leg warmers now.
Give your husband three cheers today!
So how’s your self-esteem?
In a society that puts so much emphasis on image, performance and popularity, it’s pretty easy to get your self-worth knocked around and bruised.
The mirror isn’t always a friend. Newly formed crow’s feet, extra inches around the waist, a stray gray hair or two can leave you feeling unattractive. The young airbrushed models and actresses in glossy magazines set a pretty high bar.
Maybe it’s not about your looks. Maybe it’s that you feel like a failure because you can’t figure out how to juggle work, marriage and kids and still keep a spotless house. Perhaps your cooking skills aren’t on par with Julia Child’s.
Rejection from a friend of family member can make you feel less than whole. Or if you didn’t get the PTA’s room mother of the year award. The failure and struggles of your spouse and children can get you down if you blame yourself.
Low self-esteem sabotages relationships, even with your husband. When you don’t like yourself, it makes it difficult to accept love from others. You may find yourself pushing away the very people who’s support and love you need. Your negative attitude my also cause your loved ones to back off.
Here’s the thing, you are worthy. Worthy of love, worthy of acceptance, worthy of forgiveness when you make a mistake. You’re life, no matter how boring, mundane or unsuccessful it might seem to you, is very important. Who says? The only one who’s opinion really matters, God.
God created you. He knew you in the womb before you were born.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16
He sacrificed the life of his only son so that you could receive forgiveness and join him in eternity someday.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
He loved you before you loved him. He loves you even if you don’t yet know him.
We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19
There’s nothing you can ever do to make God stop loving you. There’s nothing you can do to earn God’s love. He gives it freely to anyone who accepts it.
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9
If a God who is perfect, all powerful and all-knowing can love you like that, then surely your are worthy of love from yourself and others. Even if the laundry pile is a mile high. Even if you lost your temper and shouted at your kids. Even if your last friend on earth abandoned you. God still thinks you’re worth his time.
We’re all imperfect works in progress. Let God loves you, imperfections and all. Let that love spill over into love and acceptance for yourself. Let your husband, your family, your friends love you. Open up and love them back. You’re worth it!
My mind keeps wondering and I can’t seem to concentrate long enough to come up with a topic for this week’s post, because I’d rather be outside enjoying the warm sunshine than sitting at a computer typing. So I went on-line looking for some inspiration, and happened across The Generous Wife.
Lori, the creator of The Generous Wife, realized one day that if she wanted to improve her relationship with her husband she needed to give more. It worked for her marriage, and she wants to share what she learned with other wives. You can sign up to receive a daily Generous Tip by email. Each day you’ll receive a new creative idea, from a Christian perspective, to help you be a more Generous Wife. There is also a message board on the site where you can talk to other women about everything from romance to child rearing. The Generous Wife has lots of articles about marriage, links to other marriage sites and a book store where you can find more resources as well.
The Generous Wife has a companion site The Generous Husband with a daily email tip and resources for men.
I found this article, Husbands, Rate your Wives about the Marital Rating Scale – Wife’s Chart on Monitor on Psychology from the American Psychological Association. It’s a test developed in the 1930′s by Psychologist George W. Crane that was supposed to help couples determine the health of their marriage. Humorous and insightful, it’s a look at how expectations for wives have changed over the last 8 decades. It will give you a chuckle, and probably make you glad times have changed.
Happy 31st birthday Dear! Ahead of the times, I married a younger man before Ashton and Demi made it fashionable. Two years and nine days isn’t that much younger though, so don’t rub it in too much.
I am so happy to celebrate another birthday with you. I hope we are both still around to celebrate your 91st birthday together. By then we’ll probably be toasting Ensure shakes, reclining on our twin Craftmatic adjustable beds in the old folks’ home, instead of feting with brownies. I still can not understand after all these years why you don’t like cake, but if you want brownies instead, brownies you shall have. You always do go against the mainstream. One of the things I love about you. You are not a joiner. You follow your own convictions down a path that is uniquely yours.
I’ve been privileged to be along for the ride down that path. Sometimes I balk and want to turn back or take a different route. But you lead steadfastly on, taking us through this great adventure of life, and getting us safely and securely to our destination each time.
Three years ago another traveler joined the journey when our son was born. You are such a wonderful father. So gentle, so loving, so patient. You have patience that seem to go on forever when it comes to caring for our son. Long after I’ve reached the end of my rope, you are still calm and collected. And how I love to watch the two of you play together. The laughter, the joy, the smiles are priceless. Those moments are stored in my heart forever.
Come to think of it, the same qualities that make you a good father make you a good husband too. I know that sometimes I require a great deal of patience, because I have very little myself. Often I fire before I aim, but somehow you manage to doge the bullets and help me hit the target in the end.
Actually, you balance me out very well. You are also far more optimistic than I. When my glass is empty with a leak in the bottom, your glass is half full with a pitcher of refreshing ice water sitting next to it.
And you make me laugh. The jokes, the teasing, the humor that we share. It makes life so fun. No matter how difficult times have been, I can not remember a day that we didn’t share a laugh over something together. Laughter is a healing balm for even the most difficult trials of this world.
Finally, I am so thankful to have a husband who knows Jesus and seeks to follow God’s will.
It is a cliche, said many times before, but you are my best friend. There is no one else I’d rather share all the times of my life with, good and bad, than you.
I don’t say these things to you nearly often enough. You are appreciated for all things you do for me and our family.
Happy Birthday.
I love you!
Babe
Have you told your husband how much he means to you recently? Let him know.
Guys sure get a bad rap these days.
Turn on the TV and you see husbands and fathers portrayed as bumbling fools. If not idiots, they’re cheating womanizers or perverts. The news is all about the latest lover-turned-killer who murdered his girlfriend and stuffed her in an ice chest. Women’s magazines are filled with article after article about how men are trying to keep us down by keeping us under-paid and on the bottom rung of the corporate ladder. There’s all kinds of talk about how they can’t multi-task, can’t be emotionally open, can’t clean up after themselves. The current pop-movement wants them to be less masculine, telling them to wear pink shirts and get a manicure. And there must be a zillion books on How To Change your Man.
Are men all really that bad? We’ve been pre-occupied with them since our early teens. Until we got married, a lot of our focus was on figuring out how to get one for ourselves. Now that you’ve got one, you, hopefully, spend some time trying to keep him. If men were really so intolerable would we expend so much energy on them? Even Gloria Steinem, the ultimate feminist, finally gave in and got one.
Granted there are a few men out there who could use a little grooming. And yes, a couple of them are psychotic ax murders who will kill you in your sleep. Maybe you has to pass over a few that weren’t a good fit before you found a keeper. But I think, generally, men deserve a break.
Let’s reconsider the qualities that society has deemed undesirable.
They’re not bumbling fools. They just still know how to have fun. Why do the kids go running to the door every night when Dad comes home? Because Dad will wrestle with them on the floor and tickle them until they’re delirious. Is there anyone besides your husband who makes you laugh more? Life would be pretty dull with out their sense of fun.
Sex-crazed no, but most men do put a higher priority on bedroom activities then most women. If it weren’t for his constant attempts to direct your attention to other things besides housework, career and children where would sex fall on the to-do list? Somewhere on the bottom, between cleaning the ceiling fan and dusting the wood work probably.
I’m not going to say inequity in the work-place doesn’t exist. I’ve experienced it first hand. But you can’t blame every man in the world for a deeply ingrained, societal problem that’s much bigger than the individual.
It’s true, they don’t multi-task well. But they can focus on a project and complete it to perfection because they aren’t trying to do too many things at once. How many times have your burned dinner because you were blogging, watching Oprah, folding laundry and talking on the phone too?
Thank goodness men aren’t as open with they’re emotions as we are! When crisis strikes somebody has to keep it together. You can’t both dissolve into tears and hibernate on the couch with a package or Oreos. (Why did they come out with a re-sealable Oreo bag? As if they last long enough to be re-sealed.) If you ask gently and make it O.K. to be vulnerable, they open up eventually.
Guys use a lot more common sense and reasoning then we do. They don’t clean up because the mess isn’t a mess to them. If there’s still one clean plate in the cupboard, why wash the rest? If the clothes are dirty, why does it matter where you put them? That common sense goes well with being less emotional. They’re better at making unbiased, fact-based decisions.
Do you really want your husband to be less manly? Don’t you want someone brave and strong to carry out the dead mice? Would you want to share the bathroom with a guy who spent more time on his hair than you did? Be honest, aren’t you at least a little attracted to the swagger and bravado?
If you think that the stereotypes and bashing don’t bother the men you know, you’re wrong. It’s demoralizing, insulting and the reason why a lot of guys today are confused and disillusioned about the role they should play in the family. How can you do your job when all you get are mixed messages and criticism about how inadequate you are who you should be?
Find your husband, your brother, you son, and tell then how much you appreciate all the unique qualities they bring to the table. Let them know their unique skills and perspective bring balance. Most of all let then know you love them unconditionally for who they are, men!
