Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Posted by Colleen     February 7, 2010

Help Me Jesus

In our family we don’t take the Lord’s name in vain. Dave and I are pretty strict about it. You won’t even hear Gee Whiz, or Geez around here. You’ll never read OMG on my blog or in my tweets.

Maybe you think I’m a prude, but that’s the rule in our house. Oh, and it just happens to be in a little document called the Ten Commandments too.

The other day David was playing the Wii, and I heard him say, “Jesus!”

My head whipped around. “What did you say? Did you just say Jesus?”

“Yes. I can’t beat this level, and I was asking him to help me.”

“You — were –  praying?”

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Well, OK then.”

The faith of a five year old. Calling on the power of the name of Jesus to help him win a video game.  That game seems pretty insignificant, but David was really frustrated over it. Instead of quitting he asked God for help, and kept trying.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6 (NIV)

It says everything.

I spend a lot of time asking God for help with the big things, but not always the little, everyday stuff. But I’m trying to remember to do just that.

It might seem silly to ask Him for help with something like getting caught up on the laundry. But if that’s a burden to you, He cares. I can use all the help I can get whether it’s a major crisis, or finding the lost pacifier that I need to soothe a cranky baby.

And that Wii game?

Well, with a little intervention from the Lord and some help from me — hey, the Lord often answers our prayers through other people — David finally made it to the next level.

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Posted by Colleen     February 3, 2010

Girl Trouble

David: What’s a girlfriend? A girl that’s your friend, right?

Dad: Well, yes, but she’s a really special friend.

David: Was Mommie your girlfriend?

Dad: Before we got married.

David: I want a girlfriend.

Mommie: When you’re older I’m sure you will have a girlfriend David.

David: Yeah, you know, I try to make friends with girls. But they won’t talk to me. I try to play with them at church, and they just tell me to leave them alone.

Dad: Live and learn, David. Live and learn.

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Posted by Colleen     January 28, 2010

The iPad and Feminine Hygiene 2.0

Just minutes after Apple’s big announcement today about the iPad women across the interwebs were all aTwitter. Not about the product’s potential, but about it’s somewhat unfortunate name. I follow some pretty funny ladies, and their tweets made me giggle.

Yeah, I know you’re thinking it’s Jr. High humor, right? But come on. Don’t the guys at Apple have wives and girlfriends? Aren’t there any women on the naming committee?

The iPod, iPhone, iMac — genius. But this one? You can’t just stick “i” in front of any old word boys.

I get cramps just thinking about it.

Will somebody please pass the chocolate and iBuprofen?

What would you name the iPad?

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Posted by Colleen     December 23, 2009

Why David will Never Work for the ASPCA

After our family photo session yesterday we decided on the Chinese buffet for lunch.

They had place-mats on the tables that talked about the different animals associated with the Chinese years. Like year of the dog, year of the chicken. There was a picture of each animal on the place-mat.

After I got my food I told David they had duck on the buffet. We had just watched an episode of Good Eats where Alton Brown made duck. (David is a big Alton Brown.)

So David looks down at the place-mat, points to the pictures and says, “And they have have chicken, and pig, and monkey…”

Yep.

He thought the place-mat was the menu.

On the way out David asked me for a penny to throw in the koi pond near the exit. Next thing I know he’s leaning over the edge of the pond holding the penny up in the air like he’s waiting for something.

He wasn’t making a wish. He was trying drop the penny on a fish!

Leave it to David turn the koi pond into a  game of skill.

Fortunately he missed.

Otherwise they might of had some goldfish to serve with that monkey.

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Posted by Colleen     December 3, 2009

Mom’s Christmas Wish List

1. 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

2. Legos that pick themselves up off the floor

3. A shower. I mean like a nice, long, hot shower during which I actually have time to shave my legs, and am not worried about what the 4 year old is doing to the baby.

4. If I can’t get that shower I’ll settle for five minutes in the bathroom alone without anyone yelling at me through the door.

5. The demise of SpongeBob.

6. That robot maid on the Jetsons.

7. Even better, Alice from the Brady Bunch.

8. Hips that fit into those jeans from six years ago that I keep in the back of my closet because I can’t give up all hope.

9. A haircut that really is “wash and go”.

10.  Ketchup to be officially declared a vegetable. It would make dinner time a lot easier.

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Posted by Colleen     November 23, 2009

Happy Holidays

Family make you crazy this time of year? Check out my Dos and Don’ts to Survive Thanksgiving and Other Holiday Family Gatherings over at Mom Spark today.

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Posted by Colleen     November 18, 2009

David Faces his Fear Hand-on

David came out of the bathroom last night while he was getting ready for bed, “Mommie! I’m not afraid to put my hand in the toilet anymore!”

A proud smile beamed across his face.

“Why do you want to put your hand in the toilet? There’s never really a need to ever put your hand in the toilet. Toilets are dirty. That’s gross.”

“But I wanted to.”

“What?! Did you actually put your hand in the toilet?!”

“Yes. But it’s O.K. I washed with soap and water after. And I’m not afraid to do it anymore. To put my hand in the toilet.”

“Ugh! Get back in the bathroom! Why did you put your hand in the toilet?”

David lead me over to the  toilet and explained.

“I put a piece of toilet paper in there for a target to pee on ’cause it’s fun. But the toilet paper wasn’t in the middle, so I put my hand in and moved it to the middle. Then I peed on it. Then I washed my hands. It’s O.K. Mommie. I washed my hands. It’s O.K. And I’m not afraid anymore.”

“Well, you should be afraid to put your hand in the toilet. David, don’t put your hand in the toilet anymore, alright? And wash your hands again.”

“But I already did.”

“Wash them again anyway, then brush your teeth.”

I walked away muffling the laughter I held in while we were talking.

Standing in the hall outside the bathroom I pictured a little boy staring into the toilet bowl at his off-center toilet paper target, his pants down around his ankles.

He’s trying to muster up enough courage to stick his hand in and move it. He studies it for a few seconds, considering if there is any other way to fix it. He sighs, resolved that there is no other option.

Bravely he rolls up his sleeve. Closing his eyes and screwing up his face, slowly he plunges his hand in. He feels the cold water on his skin. Realizing that it hasn’t killed him, he opens his eyes, fishes the toilet paper into place, and pulls his hand out, shuddering from the horror.

He does his business, and washes his hands, proud that he’s conquered his fear of the toilet bowl.

All. By. Him. Self.

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