I feel so behind on everything. I’ve felt that way ever since Wade arrived a month early. Despite my best efforts, it seems like I just can’t get ahead of anything. After a month of being sick I feel even farther behind.
There’s the daily stuff like keeping the house clean.
There are always dishes wash. Toys all over the floor. Trash to take out. Floors to be swept. Clutter to be put away. All I usually manage in a day is to get the dishes washed, complete one other small task like cleaning the bathroom, if I’m lucky, and get dinner on table.
But there’s always a hundred other things waiting to be done the next day.
And the laundry. Oh. My. Word. I think it’s just going to swallow me alive. Somehow while I’m washing one load, three more fill up the dirty clothes hampers.
Then there are the all the extra projects that I have no idea when I’ll get to.
I didn’t have a chance to finish decorating Wade’s nursery before he was born, and six months later it’s still not done. The ceilings in the kitchen and living room need painted. I have fabric I bought months ago to make new curtains out of that’s just sitting in my bedroom. I even started a Hall-o-ween craft project I never finished. My refrigerator needs cleaned.
And finally there’s David’s education. He doesn’t go to pre-school so I planned to spend some time every day working with him on letters and numbers starting this fall. I’ve only done it a few times.
I sit and I wonder what’s wrong with me?
Do I manage my time poorly? Am I inefficient? Am I disorganized? Am I lazy?
I don’t know.
It’s not like I’m sitting on the couch eating bon-bons all day. The boy’s daily needs just seem to take up most of my time. And I’m not complaining about that. I am a stay-at-home mom for that very reason. To spend my days taking care of them.
But then I think, “You’re home all day, and you still can’t get the housework done?”
There are some women who just seem to have it all together. Their houses are spotless, they home school, run a business from home and still have time left in the day for leisure.
What is the secret? How do they do it?
I feel frustrated by all the undone things I want to do. I feel guilty about all the things I should do that I don’t. I try to get ahead, but fall farther behind, and just end up feeling over-whelmed.
I know deep down I’m probably being too hard on myself. That I shouldn’t let this stuff bother me. That I should just take it one day at a time.
But it’s all driving me crazy.
Maybe when David and Wade are both in school all day I’ll finally get something done. But that’ s a long time from now.
Do you get over-whelmed like this? How do you manage your time when it comes to caring for your family and running a household?
This was the last day. I’ll be back to jeans and flip-flops tomorrow. Well, until it snows, and I have to start wearing sneakers. But I’ll hold on to the flip-flops as long as I can.
I will be glad to be in casual wear most of the time. And I really look forward to sitting on the couch in my PJs watching the morning news and sipping coffee again. No more housework in heels either. But I do think I’ll start dressing up a little more often when I go out, because it’s just plain fun. And maybe at home once in a while for the hubby.
June Cleaver was a fictional character. When Leave It to Beaver was on the air in it’s original run women were already starting to wear pants. And I doubt that women who did wear dresses all day did all their cooking and cleaning in high heels and pearls.
But June was a representation of that era’s ideal wife and mother.
We have expectations for wives and mother’s today too. But I think it’s gone in the opposite direction. Once we were portrayed as serene, well-dressed, homemaking-experts. Today women are often portrayed as frazzled, frumpy, over-scheduled moms who can’t quite seem to get it together. And far from serene, mom is made out to always be frustrated and tired.
Once you were either a mom or you had a career. Then we discovered we could do both. Then some of us decided we’d rather just stay home. And then some of you started working from home. And now it’s OK to choose what’s best for you and your family. Being a mom went from bottom of the totem pole to “the hardest, most important job in the world.”
But it’s like society decided that if we were going to make motherhood an important position, then we shouldn’t be happy about it.
So we have all these snarky mom blogs that talk about drinking martinis just to get through the afternoon. And we have TV shows like Old Christine that make mom look like a loser, and Desperate Housewives that makes us all out to be headcases.
Then there’s the stereotypes. The soccer mom who doesn’t know who she is anymore because she spends all her time catering to everyone else’s needs. The mousy mom who let herself go. The working mom who feeds her family fast food every night, and never cleans her house. The lonely, miserable single mom.
So instead of the high standards of June Cleaver we have these really low expectations. And I wonder if the low expectations don’t feed on themselves? We certainly can’t try to achieve perfection like June. It’s not realistic, and we would only end up frustrated by our failures. But instead of pressured to be perfect, it’s almost as if we’re pressured to be screw-ups. Like it’s not OK to just be good mom, and love it.
But we can do a little better than what society seems to expect from us.
What if we just decided instead of being harried we would be happy? Take a few minutes for yourself and put on some lipstick. Say no to one more PTA committee, and spend the evening doing something fun with your family. Enlist the family to pitch in on the cooking and cleaning, and take all the pressure off yourself.
Embrace motherhood, and embrace yourself. Do it your way, and the way it makes you happy. No matter what anyone else expects or doesn’t expect from you.
Thanks to everyone who followed along this week. It was a lot fun to read your comments!
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I guess I’m getting used to the whole skirt and heels routine, because I don’t have much to report about yesterday.
I did steam the carpets, and I did end up kicking off my shoes for that.
Someone’s asking for pictures of the outfits I’ve been wearing. I didn’t think to have anyone take pictures. Do I really need that many photos of myself on the Internet? Besides I’m no fashionista here. We’ll see. If I have time, I’ll try to put something together.
I was pleasantly surprised when one of you in the comments a couple days ago told me you were playing along at home too.
“I love that you are doing this. I fact I’m wearing the whole 9 yards with you! I started on Saturday instead though so I could break my feet in with hubby to help me wit little running legs. Hubby LOVES the dressing up. I too did my own little spin on it. No dresses (too hard to breast feed in) so skirts and tops instead with heels. Also any necklace will do so long as it goes.”
She’s my hero! Breastfeeding and still finding time to do this? Kudos to her!
She mentioned another benefit I failed to. My husband has taken notice of the new look I’ve been sporting this week. Although he thinks I’m crazy, as all of you do, I’ve been getting a lot of compliments.
Well, today is the fifth and last day of the experiment. I’ll be making the most of it, scrubbing toilets and mopping the kitchen floor.
I’m kind of a girlie girl at heart, so I’m actually enjoying the dressing up part of this little experiment. I haven’t had to really think about what I’m wearing, or get dressed up on a daily basis since I quit working outside the home almost four years ago.
I had some errands to run yesterday, and even though it was just the bank and grocery store, somehow being dressed up made it more fun. I feel confident, and smile and engage people with eye contact and conversation more when I’m dressed up. I know that goes against the current politically correct idea that how you look shouldn’t matter. But if dressing up makes you feel good about yourself, as long as that’s not the only thing, then what’s wrong with that? And if you prefer jeans and t-shirt, and that’s what make you feel good, there’s nothing wrong with that either.
After the errands, I came home and vacuumed in my heels. The shoes really are the worst part for me. It’s not just the heels. It’s the fact that I prefer to go barefoot at home. So having to wear anything on my feet all day is a stretch.
I did some baking too. In my heels and apron, mixing up the cookie dough, I really felt like Suzie Homemaker. For a brief moment I saw a bright light, and Martha Stewart waving to me.
Well on to day four now. I have to steam the carpets. The carpet is some strange shade in between gray and beige. It might as well be white, so with dogs and a kid I have to do that fairly often. It usually take a couple hours.
I’m pretty sure I’ll be barefoot before I’m done with that.
O.K., so you all think I’m crazy for doing this. Well, I am just little bit off if you must know the truth.
I am committed to seeing this thing through.
Look, I have to entertain myself somehow.
This morning I woke up well-rested with a better attitude. I didn’t have anywhere to go, so it was motivating to have to get dressed and put on make-up. I often do my AM housework in my PJs, and then get showered and dressed.
After sitting on the couch sipping coffee for awhile.
But it didn’t feel right to lounge around when I was all ready to go. I threw myself into it early, and actually got a lot done.
I did find a more comfortable pair of pumps in my closet to wear, so my feet didn’t really hurt. I had a skirt on and it wasn’t a problem to do housework in it. I even managed to get the clasp on the pearl necklace closed today.
There were a few times that the outfit was impractical. This morning when I let the dogs out one decided to wonder back into the field behind our house. He didn’t come when I called, and I had to go out and get him. The grass was wet and the ground soft. Heels really weren’t the right attire for my little hike. I should have put on some galoshes probably, but I was afraid the dog would be all the way out into the woods if waited to change my shoes.
Today was also trash day, and I pushed the garbage can up to the curb in my heels and in the rain. I imagine June never had to deal with the trash. I’m sure Ward or the Beav did that for her.
When the rain stopped for a few minutes I took my son David out to play. One of my mantras — you’ve heard this before if you’ve been reading a while — Dogs and small boys must be exercised outside daily. I had to give in at that point, and kicked off the heels in exchange for some flip-flops. I put them back on though as soon as we got inside.
On the upside, someone came to the door today looking for the neighbor’s house, and for once I didn’t have to wonder how disheveled and deranged I looked.
Because I just looked plain nuts wearing pearls and heels at home by myself in the afternoon!
I was so tired when I got up this morning. I didn’t sleep well. That last thing I wanted to do was put on a dress and heels. To make matters worse it meant that I had to shave my legs at 6 a.m. since I was going out to women’s Bible study at my church this morning.
But I did it.
I modernized June’s uniform a bit. I wore a jean jacket over my dress to make the outfit a little more casual, and because it was chilly today. I also exchanged the pumps for sandals with a heel. And I didn’t wear the pearls today, because I couldn’t get the clasp fastened by myself. I wore a different necklace that was easier to fasten.
They didn’t say anything, but I’m pretty sure the ladies at church thought I’d lost my mind when I arrived all gussied up. Most of us have young kids, and we’re lucky to get out of the house with our hair combed a lot of mornings.
The outfit wasn’t much of a problem until David threw up in the nursery during the study. He got it all over his clothes. Luckily I did have extra with us, still in his back-pack from potty training days. I had to figure out how to carry him to the bathroom with out getting it all over my dress. I got him changed and cleaned up, then we left. Since he didn’t feel good I carried him to the car. He weighs 40 pounds, and the church is a big building. It was a long, long walk in heels from the bathroom to the parking lot.
David was feeling better by the time we got home, and even ate lunch. Then I washed dishes. My feet hurt after standing at the sink in heels.
I had other housework to do, but already tired, my attire just didn’t motivate me to start cleaning.
I still wasn’t sure if David was really sick or not, so I made him lay down and take a nap. Then I sat down on the couch and fell asleep too. I have a feeling perfect June Cleaver did not nap in the afternoon.
I woke up when my husband came home from work. Dave suggested going out for dinner, and I was all for it since it meant not standing at the stove in heels.
It was pouring down rain when we went out. I was more than a little cold, and really wished I was wearing jeans and sneakers.
We went by Walmart after we ate. That just meant more walking in heels.
So far it was inconvenient and uncomfortable to dress like June all day. And I was a lot less productive. I have to get the housework done tomorrow, so we’ll see how that goes.
I may be soaking my feet in Epsom Salts.
Today for the first time since last fall I hung my laundry out to dry. It’s warm, it’s sunny, it’s breezy and there’s no rain in site. There’s just something about freshly washed laundry hung neatly out to dry, dancing in the wind. It’s the quintessential symbol of the art of homemaking. Art? Oh, yes. It takes special skill, creativity and love to create a home that is comfortable, warm and sheltering for its residents.
Homemaking can also be a lot of work. When I’m hanging out the laundry I often think of the women a few generations back that had it much harder than me. They spent hours scrubbing clothes on wash boards over tubs or in streams. I just take my wet clothes out of an automated washing machine. And if it was cold or damp outside they didn’t have the option to use the dryer instead, like I do.
I may have it easier, but I still have a lot in common with those wives and mothers of the past. Sure some of it is about basic survival, but most of it is about love. Every simple task from scouring the bath tub down to clipping that clothes pin on the line is a demonstration of my love for my family. By caring for our home and creating a healthy environment to thrive in, I’m caring for them. It’s why you and I work so hard, and put so much effort into it and it’s why women have been doing it for centuries. Whether you work outside the home also or only as a homemaker, don’t ever think household tasks are meaningless. Don’t believe your accomplishments are any less important than the executives on Wall Street. Taking good care of your family and home is priceless.
