As if trying on clothes isn’t already bad enough.
The terrible lighting, the horrible three-way mirrors. I swear they make those at the same factory where they make fun house mirrors. How else do you explain the extra flab and cellulite that always seems to appear?
Then there are the irregular sizes. You can gain and lose four dress sizes in an afternoon. At the first store you’re pleasantly surprised when you fit into a size smaller than you thought you wore.
Ooh, that Little Debbie snack cake diet must be working.
Ten minutes later your elation turns to utter despair when at the next store your end up in something two sizes bigger than you thought you needed.
Drat those oatmeal cream pies.
You’re slightly comforted when you fit back into your normal size at the third store.
I need a fudge round.
What a roller coaster ride, right?
Well, I was prepared for the usual dressing room trauma the other day when I grabbed a pair of pants off the rack at Old Navy.
But I wasn’t expecting a pop quiz.
The perky, and very young dressing room attendant greeted me, “How are you today? You have two there?”
At Old Navy I always take the size I think I wear, and one size bigger with me. That’s one of those stores where you can gain 10 pounds in five minutes.
“Yes, just two,” I replied.
“O.K., follow me,” she said leading me to an open torture chamber stall. “Who’s your favorite actress?”
A puzzled look crossed my face. Is she trying to make small talk with me? What a random question to ask. “Wh– what?” I don’t think I heard her right.
With a big, beaming smile, “Who’s your favorite actress?”
“Um–”
This was extra stress I didn’t need. I started going through names in my head searching for the right answer.
Vivian Leigh? No, she won’t know who that is. Probably never seen Gone with the Wind. Let’s see… Who’s popular with the kids? Molly Ringwald? Oh, wait. That was like 25 years ago. Miley Cyrus? No, she’ll know I’m lying if I say that. Oh, why isn’t this multiple choice?
Finally I blurted out, “Drew Barrymore.”
That seems believable. We are the same age. I like her movies. She’s hip. Teenagers know who she is, right?
The truth is I have no idea who my favorite actress is. I don’t spend a lot of time pondering serious topics like that these days. And most of the movies I watch anymore are animated. Pretty sure, “Sally from Cars,” was the wrong answer.
I think I saw a flicker of recognition in her eyes as she repeated after me, “Drew Barrymore,” through her big smile. She then proceed to write Drew Barrymore on the whiteboard on the stall door.
I looked around and saw “Brad Pitt”, “Pizza” and “Beyonce” written on other doors. Suddenly I realized this pop quiz was all about identifying who was in what stall in a busy dressing room during Back To School shopping week.
Why didn’t I get the, “What’s your favorite food,” question? That’s an easy one.
The good news is the smaller pair of pants fit.
The bad news is I’m way behind on my movie watching.
Suddenly I have the urge to rent E.T., The Wedding Singer and all of last year’s Oscar winners.
So who’s your favorite actress?
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