Shopping

My husband Dave gave me the best gift EVER a few days ago. He sent me out for a night of shopping ALL ALONE, and he even gave me some money to spend GUILT FREE! In fact, he told me I had to spend it all on myself. I absolutely was not to use it for anything else.

It was fantastic to actually be able to take the time to try things on, and with out a three-year-old whining in the corner of the dressing room about going home. And then to make a purchase, and not think, “I should be saving this for something else.” Oh the FREEDOM!

It really wasn’t an enormous amount of money. I’m sure many people wear shoes that cost more than what I had to spend. But it was a lot to me. Way more than I would ever think to go out and blow on myself. Because it is our money, and I try to spend it responsibly. And, well, because I like to be able to eat and heat our house and other frivolous things like that.

But Dave insisted, and I did even protest a little bit. In the end I decided this was one time I ought to just shut up and do what I was told.

I was determined to stretch my little windfall as far as I could, so I studied all the sales fliers in the Sunday paper. I even managed to find a couple coupons on line to use at some of my favorite stores. I had a list of specific items I wanted. Mostly things I decided I couldn’t live with out after watching What Not to Wear.

On the top of my list was a pair of wide leg trouser jeans. Just the thing, according to Clinton and Stacy, to slim my chubby thighs. I must have tried on 25 different styles at five different stores. I have a few things to say to denim designers.

1. Wider hips don’t equal longer legs. Why does the length increase by, like, half a foot when the waist increases by one size?

2. Most of us do not need sequins and fancy swirls and flowers emblazoned on the back pockets thus drawing even more attention to the span of our rear ends.

3. Can’t you all get together and agree on a standard sizing chart, so that I don’t go into one store and try on a certain size to find that it’s too big, then go in another store only to find that I can’t even get that same size past my knees?!

O.K. I feel better now.

Anyhow, I did finally find a pair of wide-leg trouser jeans that fit like a dream. And they do take off at least 10 pounds. Everyone — short, tall, fat, thin — needs a pair of these. Well, maybe not thin, because if you’re thin you should be wearing those skinny jeans. You’re the only ones who can wear those skinny jeans. If you don’t wear them who will?

So, as I was saying, these wide-leg trouser jeans create a slimming, straight line from hip to toe, and if you wear them with a nice pointy heel, you look like you have legs that go on for miles. And you can dress them up or down. These things are right up there with the skirted tankini as far as fashion advances for woman kind.

I love my trouser jeans. I don’t want to take them off. I wore them three days in a row. But I decided I should take a day off from fabulousness, and wash them before they get up and walk by themselves.

I also picked up a pair of shoes and a few tops, a jacket and even a foundation garment or two. And with my coupons I managed to add an extra $32 to my little wad of cash. It was a shopping success all around.

I had so much fun, and it was nice to have some time away. So thanks Honey for the treat!

Now I’ve got to go get those jeans in the wash, so I can wear them on Monday. I have to hang them up to dry. I mean, you just don’t put risk putting pants that fit that well in the dryer.

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