Frankly My Dear Pinterest, I Don’t Give a Care

I love Pinterest. I do. It’s like this one, big, world-wide, inspirational creative-collaborative.

I mean, the world just keeps getting smaller and smaller. How awesome is it that I can put a dinner on the table tonight here in Michigan that was inspired by a recipe pinned by someone from Germany who found it on a British blog? OK, well, that’s obviously completely fictional, because there’s no such thing as good British food. But you know what I mean, right?

BUT…

There are some things even Pinterest can’t inspire me to do.

There are certain popular pins that I keep seeing pop up over and over, and I don’t pin them because I’m just too lazy to care.

Like…

1. How to Clean Like a Professional – I would never put that much effort into cleaning my house. And if I wanted my house cleaned professionally I would hire a professional. That’s why professional cleaners exist. For now I’m quite happy with my dusty baseboards and hard-water spots.

2. How to Organize {Anything} – Because, oh my word! I don’t have time for all that anal perfection. Good grief. Who wants to spend their days alphabetizing their serving spoons? Besides I’d need to clean my house professionally before I get it organized.

3. How to Make Your Own Yogurt – Or Goldfish Crackers or Kit Kat bars or Deoderant or anything else I can buy at the store that’s good enough out of the box.

When should I fit that in?

Oh, I know. I’ll make my own Thin Mints right after I finish sorting all my rubber bands by size and color. Boxed Thin Mints are why God gave us Girl Scouts. Let’s not take business away from those innocent little girls by making our own.

4. How to tile your floor with Pennies – Or paper or angel wings or any other bizarre covering that isn’t meant to be walked on. First off, it’s technically illegal to deface American money. I’m pretty sure gluing pennies to a floor then stomping all over them with dirty shoes falls under defacing.

Secondly, have you seen the many complicated steps and multiple coats of poly-urethane required for these projects? You could Pergo your whole house a hundred times over!

Thirdly, a house carpeted in pennies would buy at least one or two pairs of nice boots.

5. How to Stand on Your Head on an Exercise Ball – Or something like that where you twist yourself into a contorted yoga position, like touching your ear with your toe, while balancing upside down on a giant ball.

Sorry.

I don’t have enough insurance to cover the injuries  I would incur attempting to do something like that.

Hmm… Maybe if I made my own Gluten-Nut-Sugar-Dairy-Free, Organic, Paleo, Lama Yogurt I’d be so healthy I wouldn’t need to exercise at all…

So, you know, keep pinning all that yummy cheese and bacon-filled goodness and all the cute dresses I won’t fit into when I eat that stuff. But please, enough with all the pins that want me to make significant life changes I’m just not prepared to make, like ever.

Now I’m gonna go professionally lay on my store-bought couch, eat store-bought ice cream and watch DVRd British dramas. Those British do make good TV.