Me? Oh, I’m just a mom.

I just have two small human beings left in my care everyday whose well-being and impact on the general public I’m responsible for.

For a while they couldn’t walk or talk or feed themselves. I just, you know, sustained their life. They can feed themselves now. Well, kind of. I still have to give the food to them.

Now the big one climbs too high in trees and jumps off the top of the front steps onto the cement. Pretty much everything he enjoys doing these days is life-threatening. It’s my job to stop him before he kills himself. So I guess I’m still sustaining his life. The little one tries to do everything the big one does. So, yeah, I’m keeping him alive too.

Speaking of the little one, I just make him wipe his nose on a Kleenex and wash his hands. That way you don’t die from complications from the Common Cold, because you caught his toddler germs when you sat down after us at a table in a restaurant. And that big one? I just told him to be quiet and respectful of others at the library the other day, so he wouldn’t disturb you while you were reading that important literary tome, Twilight.

And I just teach them morals and values. You know, so they don’t grow up to be ax murders. I kind of think it would be good if they contribute to society someday. Who knows, one of them could be your doctor or your insurance agent in 25 years. You probably want them to have a little common sense and sound ethics, right?

Also I just teach them ABCs and 1-2-3s and make sure they’re learning stuff at school, so someday you don’t have to support them with your hard-earned tax dollars.

Someday I’ll just teach them how to drive, like stop at red lights, don’t text while driving, don’t drive too close to your bumper in a snowstorm. You probably want them to obey the traffic laws when they’re in the lane next to you in 10 years, huh?

And I just love them. I give them hugs and kisses and that sort of thing. I make them feel wanted, appreciated and loved so they don’t go looking for it somewhere else like a crack house or a stint on a really lame reality TV show. If that last one isn’t a public service, I don’t know what is.

Do you know when they were babies I could make them stop crying just by picking them up? Now I just have to tell the big one I’m proud of him, and his eyes light up like the sky on The Fourth of July. One time he didn’t think he was brave enough to stand up in front of the whole class and recite a poem. So all I did was tell him that I believed in him, and wouldn’t you know it, he did it perfectly!

Of course, I just cook dinner, clean the house, do the laundry, manage the finances, do the grocery shopping, oversee homework, drive the family shuttle and build elaborate model train tracks in the living room in between all that other frivolous stuff I already mentioned. 

Also I’m the only one in the family who knows when and where everyone is supposed to be at any given time.

I just sacrifice my own sleep, money, free time and sometimes even ambitions to make sure these small people have the best shot at life they can, and so that maybe — just maybe — somehow they’ll be able to make the future a little better for everyone.

There are millions upon millions of women all over the world just being moms. Obviously the fact that so many of us do it proves how unimportant it is. Sort of like how we all brush our teeth every single day because it doesn’t matter.

Did you know that some really extraordinary people were raised by just moms? Abraham Lincoln. Steve Jobs (She just adopted Steve.) Amelia Earhart. Margret Thatcher. Just to name a few.

So, yeah. I’m just a mom. Just keeping my little dominoes upright and in line, so they don’t lose their balance and knock you over.

Also, yesterday, when the little one fell down and got an ouchie, I picked him up and held him with one arm, stirred macaroni with the other, and explained the concept of the time/space continuum in terms an eight year-old could understand. All at the same time.

Because I’m just a mom.