Just a Mom

Me? Oh, I’m just a mom.

I just have two small human beings left in my care everyday whose well-being and impact on the general public I’m responsible for.

justamom

For a while they couldn’t walk or talk or feed themselves. I just, you know, sustained their life. They can feed themselves now. Well, kind of. I still have to give the food to them.

Now the big one climbs too high in trees and jumps off the top of the front steps onto the cement. Pretty much everything he enjoys doing these days is life-threatening. It’s my job to stop him before he kills himself. So I guess I’m still sustaining his life. The little one tries to do everything the big one does. So, yeah, I’m keeping him alive too.

Speaking of the little one, I just make him wipe his nose on a Kleenex and wash his hands. That way you don’t die from complications from the Common Cold, because you caught his toddler germs when you sat down after us at a table in a restaurant. And that big one? I just told him to be quiet and respectful of others at the library the other day, so he wouldn’t disturb you while you were reading that important literary tome, Twilight.

And I just teach them morals and values. You know, so they don’t grow up to be ax murders. I kind of think it would be good if they contribute to society someday. Who knows, one of them could be your doctor or your insurance agent in 25 years. You probably want them to have a little common sense and sound ethics, right?

Also I just teach them ABCs and 1-2-3s and make sure they’re learning stuff at school, so someday you don’t have to support them with your hard-earned tax dollars.

Someday I’ll just teach them how to drive, like stop at red lights, don’t text while driving, don’t drive too close to your bumper in a snowstorm. You probably want them to obey the traffic laws when they’re in the lane next to you in 10 years, huh?

And I just love them. I give them hugs and kisses and that sort of thing. I make them feel wanted, appreciated and loved so they don’t go looking for it somewhere else like a crack house or a stint on a really lame reality TV show. If that last one isn’t a public service, I don’t know what is.

Do you know when they were babies I could make them stop crying just by picking them up? Now I just have to tell the big one I’m proud of him, and his eyes light up like the sky on The Fourth of July. One time he didn’t think he was brave enough to stand up in front of the whole class and recite a poem. So all I did was tell him that I believed in him, and wouldn’t you know it, he did it perfectly!

Of course, I just cook dinner, clean the house, do the laundry, manage the finances, do the grocery shopping, oversee homework, drive the family shuttle and build elaborate model train tracks in the living room in between all that other frivolous stuff I already mentioned. 

Also I’m the only one in the family who knows when and where everyone is supposed to be at any given time.

I just sacrifice my own sleep, money, free time and sometimes even ambitions to make sure these small people have the best shot at life they can, and so that maybe — just maybe — somehow they’ll be able to make the future a little better for everyone.

There are millions upon millions of women all over the world just being moms. Obviously the fact that so many of us do it proves how unimportant it is. Sort of like how we all brush our teeth every single day because it doesn’t matter.

Did you know that some really extraordinary people were raised by just moms? Abraham Lincoln. Steve Jobs (She just adopted Steve.) Amelia Earhart. Margret Thatcher. Just to name a few.

So, yeah. I’m just a mom. Just keeping my little dominoes upright and in line, so they don’t lose their balance and knock you over.

Also, yesterday, when the little one fell down and got an ouchie, I picked him up and held him with one arm, stirred macaroni with the other, and explained the concept of the time/space continuum in terms an eight year-old could understand. All at the same time.

Because I’m just a mom.

Things Only a Parent Would Say – Cookie Time

Imagine Gollum holding the ring saying, “Precious, my precious…” Only it’s your kid with a cookie.

ThingsCookie

This one’s a direct quote from my husband who will also be proud of me for using a Lord of the Rings reference.

Want your own saying featured?

Here’s how:

Head over to the Things Only a Parent Would Say page. Use the form to enter your own funny parental saying. Leave a link to your blog if you have one.

Next week I’ll feature some of my favorites. Even if you don’t get featured your saying and link to your sight will be added to the list for everyone to read.

 

10 Ways to Use Your Smartphone to Make Parenting Easier

smartphoneWe’ve all had mommy brain, right? Sleepless nights, temper tantrums in the middle of the post office and trying to manage the lives of multiple people with social calendars fuller than a Kardashian sister’s combine to overload and shutdown our minds.

For the first three years after David was born I could not remember my own home phone number if someone asked me for it on the spot. There are a few places, like the kid’s barbershop, that have me listed under multiple phone numbers and aliases in the their records.

But that was before I had a smart phone. Now I don’t need the brain in my head, because I carry it around in my purse. Well, my smart phone that is. I let it do all the remembering, tracking and organizing for me. (If only they’d figure out a way for it to do my laundry. Artificial Intelligence still has its limits.) Here’s some ways your smart phone can make your life as a mom or dad a little easier too:

1. Program emergency numbers into your contact list. Do you scramble to find the pediatrician’s phone number when you  need to make an appointment? Can’t find the school’s phone number when you need make arrangements for someone else to pick up your kid in the afternoon? I was always having to Google places like that to find the number. No more! Program it all into your contacts list on your phone. You always have your phone with you, now you’ll never be without a number when you need it.

2. White noise app. Not long ago we stayed in a “family friendly” hotel. It was so friendly that apparently some families thought it was OK to run down the hall shouting at all hours of the night. We really needed a fan or something to block out the noise. White noise apps will do just that. Soothe children to sleep in hotels rooms or anywhere you need to block out noise. Try the SimplyNoise app available for .99 from iTunes and GooglePlay.

3. Save clothing sizes in a note app on your phone. Ever see a good deal on clothing or shoes while out shopping, but can’t remember what size everyone wears? This happens to me often. Especially when it comes to footwear sizes. Try Evernote for a workhorse note app with all the bells and whistles. Free on iTunes and GooglePlay.

4. Stop watch app. Need to put someone in a time out? I’m done it in the middle of the grocery store. (I have no shame.) Did you say, “Five more minutes then we’re absolutely leaving the park!” (Yeah, like every time we go to the park.) Know exactly when time’s up with a stopwatch app. Several different free versions are available on iTunes and GooglePlay.

5. Store important medical information on your phone. Do you need to keep track of complicated medical information like the names of meds and the dosage size your child takes? Store this info on your phone, and you’ll have it if you ever need to know in an emergency. A note app would work great for this also.

6. Keep track of birthday and Christmas present ideas. Ever walk through the toy aisle with you kids and they’re like, “I want this and this and this,” and you say, “Well, Christmas is coming.” But then Christmas comes, and you can’t remember what it was that they just can’t live without? Snap pictures of those items when your kids point them out at the store, and pull them up later when it’s time to buy presents.

7. Never say, “I don’t know,” again. You can Google it anywhere, anytime with your smart phone. Kid wants to know why the sky is blue while you standing in line at the bank? Google it. Boom! You’re the smartest mom ever. You can even search by image. Want to know what kind of frog your kid brought in from the backyard? Snap a photo of the frog, upload it to images.google.com, and Google will search for a match!

8. Store current I.D. photos of your kids. God forbid you child ever gets lost or goes missing, but if it happens you’ll want a current photo to give to law enforcement. Keep current head shots of your kids on your phone for just that. Headed to a crowded location like a theme park? Snap a full length photo when you arrive, so you’ll be able to remember what color shirt and pants they’re wearing in case they get separated from you.

9. The RunPee App. This is simply genius for parents who take kids to the movies. It’s a given that sometime during the movie somebody will need to pee. Enter the movie you’re watching in the app, then it will give you 1 to 4 best times to skip out for a potty break. The app will also summarize what you miss, so you’re caught up when you return. Granted you have to coordinate your kid’s bladder with the app, but maybe you can offer to take them before they, “Have to go now!” RunPee is .99 on iTunes and GooglePlay

10. Track your baby’s schedule. If you like to keep track of all of your baby’s activities from feedings, to naps, to diaper changes the Total Baby app is for you. In some cases tracking this info is crucial if there are medical issues, or maybe you just need to remember which one of the quadruplets you fed last. Breastfeeding moms can even use it to track which side they nursed on last! Let’s face it, when you’re exhausted from caring for a newborn your brain is mush. This app will do the memory work for you. Sorry Android loyalists, this app in only available on iTunes for $4.99.

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